I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
