Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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