if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it glows. i had to have it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
