wat bout pragnant strippers??
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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