I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sorry about my life...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize