we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
