ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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