he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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