wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
