yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
