i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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