It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
