If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
