There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
