I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
