If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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