My liver just broke up with me...
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
