Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
BRING THE BAGELS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
