My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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