Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
