So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
