i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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