Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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