The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
