Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
