I just made out with a guy for $7.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
