When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
