My entire life is one complicated drinking game
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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