fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize