so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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