I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
