nut hugger
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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