why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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