then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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