i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
