we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Im part way to drunk.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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