Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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