i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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