you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
