Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
