this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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