I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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