I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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