I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
