Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
