Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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