god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
