All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
