I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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