When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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