I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
