I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
