you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
