he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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