Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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