Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
