ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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