Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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