My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize