I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
