3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize