tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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