after a month anything with tits is on the radar
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
