5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
