dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he shaved USA in his pubs
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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