Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
