My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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