Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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