His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize