The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
