I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
