just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
