I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In other news, I just burned my penis
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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