please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
