Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
