I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
