Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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