Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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