I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize