Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
