Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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