there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
