yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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