to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
