apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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