he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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