No stitches, just platelets and will power
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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