She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize