If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
only you would photoshop your dick
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
