I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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