It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
