Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
