The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
