I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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