I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
