i was born a porn star she said
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
