I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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