woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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