I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
