she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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