You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
