So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
we should paint friendship bongs
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