We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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