Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
