hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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