Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
